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Thursday, November 22, 2012

no new emotions

i tried to get to sleep but i kept seeing the facebook homepage behind my eyelids

lately i feel like i've been nostalgic for things that have never even happened / past lives

even later in the night now, where thoughts seem to go round and round in circles, nothing ever resolving itself or becoming still

underneath my duvet i watch my phone light up
as you call me and then hang up
the whirring noise it makes

earlier that night in the bath i pull at different areas of my skin and feel nothing
my hips are the weirdest looking part of my body i think
but you have never properly seen them

been listening to the rain all night
through computer speakers

which is stupid because it is actually raining outside

on voxer i am sad in my bed and mark is sad on his couch
in a facebook chat thread me and diane want to cry in a giant bathtub
giles tweeted 'very fucked'
natalie hugs me through gchat

we are all sad alone together it is okay somehow

when you are sad people should not tell you "don't be sad"
because secretly we enjoy it, hehe

wanting to belong to someone is a pathetic need
a need which i am ashamed to admit

because we want so much to belong only to ourselves

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