Friday, August 24, 2012


in the departure lounge i am slouching in my chair, feeling completely calm like i am moving through a sea

already i can feel myself sliding out of my skin and into a new one


ambien dream: in the sky was a cloud shaped like a spine; instinctively i knew it was yours


in hong kong airport i move from one vacant seat to another, studying the city beyond the windows. there are mountains and oceans and buildings and i want all of it


things i did in my 27 hour flight:

- watched 2x parks and rec, 2x the wire, breakfast at tiffany's, 1/2 of drive, 2x new girl, 1x community, 1x 30 rock
- read 1Q84
- slept 6 hours via ambien (woke up during this and thought i was going to die somehow like just felt really confused…can't explain…ambien..)
- closed my eyes but didn't sleep (spent most of my time doing this)
- went pee (did lil dance routines in the bathroom so i didn't get dvt os)
- shifted around uncomfortably
- ate food (asked for vegetarian meals bc airplane meat is weird idk)
- thought about boys
- general rumination

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

what i am watching, august update

hi everyone
my friend shu shu said i should write a list of things i've been watching lately
this year i've been doing phases of like writing intensely, reading intensely or watching movies or watching tv intensely
i am in a phase of watching tv intensely at the moment, like rather epicly. this is what i have been watching i guess since i last did a post like this

true blood s1-5
my flatmates kept raving about how good true blood is and i was like ok some of my australian friends enjoy this stuff so i decided to give it a go finally and guess what there are loads of really beautiful sexy people in it and they are naked a lot of the time and you get to watch them biting each other. so i watched probably about 4 seasons in 3 weeks and am now up to date.

just discovered this show on the weekend and somehow watched 8 episodes within 2 days i think? there are some weak aspects of this show like the acting is pretty bad but i like the concept of the show. like a kind of pop-news anchor who was doing news to get ratings has all of his team leave him and his ex-gf who happens to be a real good executive producer comes along and she convinces him to 'give people the news'. she is probably the worst actress in the show unfortunately. i think my interest in this show will fade when jim and maggie get together, which they probably will, but not until the end of the season. so it's got me until that happens. also this is enjoyable because they all talk really fast which reminds me of grey's anatomy in a way. also they have poached a lot of actors who've been left by the wayside ie from parks and rec: mark, lucy (tom's gf in s2), anwar from skins.. um...

it's always sunny in philadelphia
i have been gradually watching this over the past couple of weeks, it's just hard to find a good place to stream it. it's a pretty funny show but in the sort of seinfeld sense. it's not like "clever" in the way that seinfeld is but it's like you just get to know the nuances of the characters and like the dumb stuff they do. and that's the appeal of this one really. just waiting for danny devito to get in.

west wing
i watched 2 episodes of this last night because i have heard that it's an amazing show and i figured if i like newsroom potentially i will like west wing. turns out that rob lowe is in it and a whole bunch of other awesome people and it's kind of lame but less lame than a coldplay montage in episode 4 guys (helloo newsroom).

boardwalk empire
this is a really really beautiful show to watch but i find that it's pretty heavy and sort of slow-going. i really like it though, steve buscemi is a genius in it. america in the 1930s seems really awesome. if you don't know about this show it is about prohibition and how the treasurer of atlantic city somehow runs the alcohol racket and basically the whole town. nice

i can't remember whether i was watching this last time i wrote a post like this. it's great, it really is. louie seems like a stand up guy....... .. . . . ..  he is just so bloody clever. apparently he edits the show as well which is nice.

the wire (only sort of)
sometimes i watch this show when i am cooking dinner. it doesn't really appeal to me but people keep saying that it gets good. i think i need to just sit with it and watch it. but i don't know, i can't manage to make myself care about the storyline yet. which is either my fault for cooking while i watch it or just generally the lack of interest that i have in like law/cop drama things.

breaking bad s5
it's better to watch breaking bad when you can watch a whole bunch of episodes at once, same with any show really, so i am letting this accumulate for a couple of weeks then watching a few eps in a row. that train episode was really really fucking good though omg

oh lol my flatmates and i recently watched r kelly's trapped in the closet which is really hilarious and now we sing to each other in that voice all the time

btw i am constantly watching come dine with me

ok also i watched a bunch of movies recently which i will just give a rating out of 10

the jerk 9/10
bad teacher 7.5/10
21 jump street 8.5/10
the woman in the fifth 7/10
the 3 stooges (2012) 5/10
started watching the sitter 3/10
moonrise kingdom 9/10

got a lot of books i need to finish but i just can't stop watching shows.

i am looking forward to spring when parks & rec, community, dexter, gossip girl, probably new girl, saturday night live and a whole bunch of other lil guys come back into my life. i would ask for recommendations but clearly i have a lot going on here.

Friday, August 17, 2012

people i have worked with this year

call centre

2 hip looking dudes who were cousins, kind of had a crush on one of them via having a cute name and being into good music and good at drawing. always used to steal cigarettes off them

one of my bosses was a cool guy who would send funny messages like "get out of here" and once left a post it note on my monitor going "hey susie! go home!" so i got to go home early, he was a nicey

another boss was called roland and he was reportedly in a band, he had really long hair that he would sometimes wear out like, he had a pointy chin and a bear and a moustache and honestly i think the line between musician and wizard was pretty thin

at the back of the office near the kitchen was the european part of our work and there were loads of interesting looking people there, by that i mean goth types

lots of nice nigerian girls, one of them was a real devout christian girl who got the same train as me and sort of seemed really empowered but also kind of had her head in the clouds maybe, i don't know. she used to give me snacks

babe guy who had blue eyes and always wore white shirts and had a nice leather bag, leather brogues and generally was just gorgeous. he worked like a proper job within the call centre, not just a phone interviewing job like me

secret cinema thing

german girl who had a dutch accent and seemed pretty surly

cute american girl from brooklyn, my style/life icon for a couple of weeks there. she seemed like a lil go getter

the volunteer coordinator, an italian girl who referred to us all as darling or dear. she had nice dresses

babe irish/asian girl who sounded american. we became real close for one day which seemed weird but awesome. she somehow encouraged some extroversion out of me, it was odd

random girl with the name soleil who insisted on adding me on facebook and then we never had the same volunteer shift again


my really hot russian manager. never gave me enough work but was a sweet gal

pervy romanian guy with a really hot (now) wife and incidentally the same name as my mum

roguish tubby guy from the west country, seems like he's quite good at his job for being only a couple of years older than me

just lots of weird couples at this place of work, i could go into it but it sort of is boring. other good character at this work include nice german lady who lives in the same suburb as me and just is a really elegant/awesome person. another worthy mention is simon who met his nice girlfriend on the internet and they are just totes in love and they went to see coldplay together, but sincerely

music festival

see 'comprehensive recap of great escape fest' for full details

craft studios open day

i spent most of the day decorating ceramic hearts with a tall chubby couple. seems like their identity is very couple esque, they were talking about 'we' all the time and were one of those couples who seem to always talk about their history together to strangers. i guess that just means they are in love and are just like a packaged deal when it comes to life now, but i seem to meet a lot of people like that and i don't know, it is sort of weird to me that people always talk about their couple-ness to me. i am not a threat guys.

the lady who made the tiles was really surly and prickly although she did give me some sort of candy, can't remember what it was. actually by the end of the day she loaned me 20p which was pretty nice of her

the girl who ran the craft open day gave me a free anzac biscuit (or i guess it was a flapjack) and it was odd because we were sort of carrying on like we knew each other but really she just interviewed me for a job that i didn't get

also the lady who runs the whole organisation was really thankful and nice to me even though i basically just sat around making stuff the whole day

hung out with an american printmaker girl in a kids craft area later in the day, made some olympic medals and felt awkward around kids

current job

in the office there are usually 2 other men who never talk to me apart from to say hi and maybe like one other time a day to ask me some sort of work related query, they seem fairly dece though. i mean the office is awkward as frick but i don't mind, usually i just listen to music and type a lot

my boss is a beastly kind of human and i do not like him because he talks patronisingly to me most of the time. people tell me it's normal to hate your boss but i have never hated a boss before and it feels like i shouldn't work for someone whose goals i don't understand. (ethics)

Thursday, August 16, 2012

train people


salt n pepper hair guy - looks like a HRD but i haven't noticed a wedding ring

babe girl with nice ass always eating muesli and yoghurt - always wears dark shades at 8.30 and has good looking hair

total dingus nerd guy who looks like he works in IT

posh/bitchy looking girl with good posture. i think it is her good posture that makes her look bitchy. plus she reads from her kindle with a self satisfied look on her face.

bald tall man in a leather jacket who is always typing on his phone early in the morning and i have decided he is messaging ladies on online dating

tired lady who always has wet hair and gets tea from the coffee shop at the station

beautiful bear-like bearded man with glasses who i internally refer to as my 'west norwood husband'


bunch of rowdy people who seem to know each other and work together but are always arguing. (have now decided to change the end of the train that i get on because they irritate me so much)

cool looking girl with white blonde hair, always wears black. also reads from her kindle lots but looks pleasant and cute.

short punky looking lady with curly reddish hair, always wears dark clothing

really fit brazillian (?) guy

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


we don’t know if we feel happy or sad

i feel worried when i’m not able to articulate what is inside of me

it’s important to feel calm within yourself, knowing what you feel so completely it’s like tracing the curves of your own body

i used to sit outside my house in wood bay in amongst the trees and feel a part of the forest, whenever i want to feel calm i transport myself back to that place, or to my seat near the harbour, nothing but the pale ocean beneath me, breathing in and out with the tide

there are so many times that i walked down to the sea from my house with a cup of tea in hand and felt every emotion a person could feel, sometimes it was too cold to bear, sometimes i felt nothing for it, but often i felt better with the outside air on my skin

there is something about it isn’t there

it blows straight through you, this august wind, no matter how many layers you wear

i’m sad that i won’t get to see the spring here, there are so many things i love about it

every day i walked to work i noticed how my environment changed distinctly from season to season, i felt so in tune with nature then, and i think i will always attribute my most beautiful and solitary times to living in wood bay

recently, it seems like all i have are my emotions to guide me

however perilous that may be

pros and cons of living w parents

- they buy the really good toilet paper that i would never dream of buying
- the shower pressure is just divine
- free food
- 'it's only temporary'
- electric blankets and heaters and fire place
- my cat and dog live here
- good kitchen facilities
- they have a dryer
- always have good biscuits for dunking in tea

- parents tell you to do stuff
- parents constantly remind you about your lack of direction in life
- parents walk into your room without knocking and saying 'what are you doing' and for a moment revert back to a teen via thinking 'get out of my room muuum'
- no wireless internet??
- it's just kind of weird right

Thursday, August 2, 2012

nectarine graveyard

today i have felt a mixture of 'so much' and 'nothing'

last night i was thinking about how this feels on my brain and it's like someone is trying to make my head some sort of square shape. like a prism sticking out from my temples.
this is the kind of day where i can't wipe the sad off my face.

there was a night not long ago where all i could do was go home, put fleetwood mac on repeat & do dishes & be on the verge of crying. it seemed lovely to have stevie nicks constantly reiterating my feelings

there was one morning where we were at the sink in my kitchen and i was wearing a giant t shirt as pyjamas and you wouldn't look away from my eyes as always

i am getting worry all over everything